just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize