Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
