you will always have a special place in my vag
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
