you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
