I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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