I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
