just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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