My friends, they love my intelligence
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
