I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
