it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
