I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
