therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize