why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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