just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
