i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
