The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
