Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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