4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
