So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
