i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
