can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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