Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Say something about gay babies.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
