ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
