I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
