I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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