Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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