Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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