....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
