We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want nice things and good sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
