I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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