Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
