She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
