tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
