I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
