You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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