i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
