I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
