I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
