I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
