some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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