i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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