New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
