Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
