As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
