I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
