and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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