What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
