do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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