your parents love me but you hate me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
