Tell her she can't have a vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
