He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
