When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize