Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
