Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
