i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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