So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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