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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was confusing and full of hummus
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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