i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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