I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He kissed a someone with a penis
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize