I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
foreskin is a definite game changer
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
