smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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