It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
