She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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