Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
