I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
