do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
